Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
