I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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