He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
