Small penises have feelings too.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
