do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
