What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
