I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
