I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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