Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
