WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
