i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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