i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
