I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's rum buckets o'clock
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
