I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
