dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
