Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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