I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
