i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize