dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
