if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
