Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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