didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
