"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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