when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
