I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
