one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
