i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
