New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
