you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
