After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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