So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
