I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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