my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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