I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
