i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Still dying that you shit outside
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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