I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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