fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
