i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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