I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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