one two three fourrrrnication!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
