I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
