He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
