Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
as a side note pls kill me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize