Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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