So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize