You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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