omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize