They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You are the jesus of drinking
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
