I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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