I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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