It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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