Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
