im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
