I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
