I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
