Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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