You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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