It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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