Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
