You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
