i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dignity is for republicans.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
