I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
