Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
